Sunday, April 13, 2014


Have I told you that God is really amazing in giving answers to my prayers?
He really send good people to support and protect me.. Can't tell how grateful I am..
I'm not trying to be over dramatic here.. or over religious, you might say..
But really, He is there listening.. I'm touched..
My answer came in a form of a friend of mine..
An old pal.. haha...
It was such a rare thing that he asked me out to have a dinner..
so that's where my answer came.. hehe..
I couldn't write in detail what is it..
It's something connected to my family..
That curse really exist.. lol..
I finally found out what curse is attached to my family..
and all the stories behind.. Far before my dad was even born.. lol
It's a small world, indeed..
Life is so funny.. I believe our life is written in its own way..
God has arranged a path for us.. And we just have to live it obediently, don't we?
Trust no one but yourself.. Even you can't depend on your family..
Countless dramas and lies .. I think that's what we called as life..
Don't even know how to ignore the fact..
Feels like I was being deceived my whole life..
what is this?
I have to learn to be more ignorant..
Living my own life, covering my ears and mouth..


An immature me, Jowi

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Widely opened

Hello there.. another random saturday night you might say..
yeap.. worked, watched good movie, short talk..
Meaningful talk? not really.. Meaningless talk? not really also..

Well, these few months have been colourful.. I never know people and life can change in split seconds, until I experienced it myself..
Those walls that I have teared down, letting myself trusting people.. In split seconds, I rebuild them..
'Bullshits proof' and the walls are thicker than before.. This is so not me.. But I think God has helped me to open my eyes.. To see which one I should trust and shouldn't.. I have a better radar in detecting bad things now.. I think God makes my antenna longer.. lol

I don't know.. I've had enough.. I'm trying to tear those walls down again, for you.. But it's not working yet..
We'll see what will happen..

I'm not good in words, I'm not good in confronting people directly..
I cry when I get mad, I forgive people whom I love even if they hurt me, I keep my feelings inside..
I'm scared of my future, I don't want to face reality, I have low confidence, I get swayed easily..
I'm stubborn, I'm selfish, I'm greedy.. I'm 21 this year and I'm lost..

I miss us.. I'm this kind of person.. I'm trying to move on.. I convince myself that I have moved a step.. but even I, myself is still questioning..
can we start over? as a friend?
Putting aside past memories and feelings.. can I?
I know it's bad when the first thing I have in my mind when I wake up is you and the last thing in my prayer every night is you.. It's starting again these few days.. I don't know what triggers it..

see? I told you it'll be another random Saturday night post..
people might get confused reading this.. I talked about several people and it's not in a chronological order..
but yeah nvm.. as long as I understand.. lol

well goodnight peeps..
Should sleep now and wake up with a fresher mind tomorrow

Jowi <3