Restore

Well, hello.. it's been a year.. it is such a miracle that I am still able to remember the password to my blogspot. haha

Anyway, this is the new me. I'm not saying I had a plastic surgery and transform into new person.. haha.. I am new inside.. how to put this in a much simpler word? Happy.. Yes, I am happy now.

Zillions of things happened within a year. Friends that are no longer friends, friends' marriages, friends' break-ups, overseas trips. Well, I am thankful those memories color my life and I am becoming more mature than before.

I changed. My friends say I have changed. I realize I have changed. To a better person, I believe. 

When did this start? I should say maybe since some internal problems occurred in my family. I had to struggle a lot. I left God, to be honest. I started questioning God's love and presence. Then I got mad at Him. I left Him. I stopped praying. Then I realized I was lost. Totally lost.

But, I knew He never leave me alone. He restores everything. He picks me back. Through my cousin, His Words came to me. I started growing some better faith inside. I started giving thanks for every single thing that happened in my life. Then I know today I am one of the many many lucky people in this world.

I started seeing miracles, even sometimes I got goosebumps by myself.. haha..

So actually what's the point of my post today?

I just wanted to share and spread some good feeling to whoever that read this post.. 

Believe in yourself, knows that God loves you and He will always will.. Even when the whole world hates you, knows that He loves you if you have faith in Him.

And well, this might be the last post from me for this blog.. I am planning to make a new blog.. To start fresh.. it will be a beauty blog.. I'll share about some makeup tips, makeup reviews, and even videos if possible..haha.. but don't get your hopes up too high.. I can't promise when will I launch this new blog.. but let's just wait for it ;)

Love,

Jowi

Wonderful

Have I told you that God is really amazing in giving answers to my prayers?
He really send good people to support and protect me.. Can't tell how grateful I am..
I'm not trying to be over dramatic here.. or over religious, you might say..
But really, He is there listening.. I'm touched..
My answer came in a form of a friend of mine..
An old pal.. haha...
It was such a rare thing that he asked me out to have a dinner..
so that's where my answer came.. hehe..
I couldn't write in detail what is it..
It's something connected to my family..
That curse really exist.. lol..
I finally found out what curse is attached to my family..
and all the stories behind.. Far before my dad was even born.. lol
It's a small world, indeed..
Life is so funny.. I believe our life is written in its own way..
God has arranged a path for us.. And we just have to live it obediently, don't we?
Trust no one but yourself.. Even you can't depend on your family..
Countless dramas and lies .. I think that's what we called as life..
Don't even know how to ignore the fact..
Feels like I was being deceived my whole life..
what is this?
I have to learn to be more ignorant..
Living my own life, covering my ears and mouth..

Regards,

An immature me, Jowi

Widely opened

Hello there.. another random saturday night you might say..
yeap.. worked, watched good movie, short talk..
Meaningful talk? not really.. Meaningless talk? not really also..

Well, these few months have been colourful.. I never know people and life can change in split seconds, until I experienced it myself..
Those walls that I have teared down, letting myself trusting people.. In split seconds, I rebuild them..
'Bullshits proof' and the walls are thicker than before.. This is so not me.. But I think God has helped me to open my eyes.. To see which one I should trust and shouldn't.. I have a better radar in detecting bad things now.. I think God makes my antenna longer.. lol

I don't know.. I've had enough.. I'm trying to tear those walls down again, for you.. But it's not working yet..
We'll see what will happen..

I'm not good in words, I'm not good in confronting people directly..
I cry when I get mad, I forgive people whom I love even if they hurt me, I keep my feelings inside..
I'm scared of my future, I don't want to face reality, I have low confidence, I get swayed easily..
I'm stubborn, I'm selfish, I'm greedy.. I'm 21 this year and I'm lost..

I miss us.. I'm this kind of person.. I'm trying to move on.. I convince myself that I have moved a step.. but even I, myself is still questioning..
can we start over? as a friend?
Putting aside past memories and feelings.. can I?
I know it's bad when the first thing I have in my mind when I wake up is you and the last thing in my prayer every night is you.. It's starting again these few days.. I don't know what triggers it..
pathetic..

see? I told you it'll be another random Saturday night post..
people might get confused reading this.. I talked about several people and it's not in a chronological order..
but yeah nvm.. as long as I understand.. lol

well goodnight peeps..
Should sleep now and wake up with a fresher mind tomorrow



Jowi <3

Open-minded

well hello there!!
it's been months since my last post..
how to sum up my life for few months in words??
I would say bitter sweet sour salty.. haha.. yeap.. these few months weren't that bad, i think..
Let me highlight some wonderful events..
uurrmmm.. I passed semester 4 without any big problem and with a very satisfying score..
then... I had GD's world tour concert on June, travelling around Jakarta and Bandung..
had a wonderful 20th bday with best buddies and family..
thennn.. travelled around with buddies.. so much fun!!
let's see.. what else? oh yeah.. had some feelings problems.. haha.. some misunderstanding with crush, rejections, broken hearted.. lol..
Getting promoted to a better job position and better salary, of course.. haha..
Then I tried to teach private students at their house.. Tired, at first.. Got so many problems and complaints, but thanks God I passed those troublesome times and yeah it's going well now.. Though I have to work from 8 am to 10 pm Monday to Friday.. get used to it now.. hihi..
Hardwork pays off.. I could buy a new phone for Daddy and spend a little better for myself.. and I'm proud of it.. :)

oh well. let me get to the part why I'm posting this in the middle of Saturday night..
so tonight I had long and deeppppp comfy conversation with my 2 best bros..
yeah almost about everything..
then I realized that how flat my life is.. To be honest I still live without knowing what is my purpose of my life..
but whom to blame? I'm happy now.. at least I tried to convince myself that I'm happy.. Am I? Happy?
My 2 bros.. they have dreams.. Their visions of their future.. while I'm still blurred.. haha
it's okay.. they're men.. I support their dreams.. wondering what will us be when we reach our mid 20 or maybe mid 30.. will we still be that close? I share almost everything to them.. Wonderful listeners and wonderful companions.. Yes, they are.. What will I be without them?

I learned lots of things from everything that happened in these few months..
"what goes around comes around"
Karma does exist..
If you do good, you'll get something better..
I'm learning to let go what's not mine..
Trying to open my mind to see things in different ways..
Understanding others better..
Accepting reality..

I miss that person sometimes.. yeah.. sometimes..
I know things will never be like what we want, but I can wish on a falling stars, right?
Wishing for the impossible to happen...

Regards,

Jowi

Let's call this as another random post

Lots of things happened recently..

I'm bringing you good news, people.. I'm going to Jakarta to see my GD, beibeehhh!! wohooo!!

I'm so so so so excited.... two months to go, but I need to pass my Mid Test first.. keke..

Okay, let's start with another random story..

So, once upon a time.. Suddenly I got BBM from my college's classmate..

We rarely talk to each other except if it's about college stuff, but yeah, we went out together recently and maybe that brought us closer.. haha..

So, she asked me a quite shocking question, and from that question, we end up talking about lots of things and we found out that we have a lot of things in common.. In our relationships with boys, I mean.. keke..

FYI, she asked me about how to forget someone you used to love.. So she told me that she had just broke up with her bf and you know what, her bf has that *sshole attitude that is similar to you-know-who (read : my first ex).. lol..

Seems like she experienced almost the same things that I had experienced, the fightings, the tears, the bad words, the backstreet part, the asshole and shitty part..wkwkwk..

But girl, why are you still madly in love with him?

I know the feeling of 'I can't live without him', that kind of feeling.. The feeling where you think that your world would end if you broke up.. but.. u see me now.. I'm still alive, healthily and happily.. haha..

I don't know how to console people, me, myself still need to be consoled.. ha.ha.ha..

I know you will not read my post, but my advice is, if it hurts you, then let go.. 

That kind of guy doesn't deserve your tears.. Don't be a fool, for myself had ever been a fool and still a fool, I think.. haha..

I can't blame you because you made up with him again just now.. From your chats, I can tell that you still love him so much.. I never expect that side from you... You're usually super quiet and cool in the class.. haha..

Love has really turned us into fools.. LOL

You're very pretty, smart and very valuable.. Find a guy that can see the value in yourself.. I believe a lot of guys will be queueing for you if you open your heart.. XD

Cheer up, girl!! I'll be here to listen.. and keep praying.. God has answered your prayer once, He'll answer it also this time.. :)

Regards,

Jowi

I'm back

Hello, people!! it's been three months..
exactly 3 months since my last post.. hahaha..
how're y'all? doing good? so-so? fine? bad?
Feel guilty for abandoning this blog, actually.. haha.. but I don't have any idea what to post over here..
No new significant update of my life..
Or maybe you guys prefer I post my nagging and empty hopes everyday? XD

Well.. How was my life for this three months?
Where to start?
Let's see.. Maybe we can start from college life first, I passed the final test for semester 3 smoothly.. I didn't study, to be honest.. haha.. but thanks God I still passed with satisfying score.. kekeke..
So now I'm having my first month as semester 4 student.. half way to go.. I'm getting lazier and lazier.. ha.ha.ha

then let's share about my job..
I'm going to quit as a teacher.. but I'm not gonna move from IEC.. haha.. I will just move department and I'll be working as an accountant.. yeahh.. finally I go back to accounting.. Maybe it's destined for me? haha..
I'm learning those accounting stuffs everyday.. Quite fun because I learn new things.. Hope I can do well in the future.. :)

Okay.. and then about my daily life..
Nothing changes.. I still go to work at 8 to 4 then college from 5 to 8 and do nothing at night.. haha..
Every Saturday I'll go to teach private in the afternoon and go out to watch movie or hunt new places for eating at night.. and repeat.. and repeat and repeat for three months.. haha..
Oh yeah, I have a new daily activity recently... I have to wake a piggy every morning.. he needs a special call from me.. LOL

uuumm... last, maybe I'm going to share about my love life.. hahaha..
Well.. don't know where to start..
I get lots of question of "How are you now?" yeah and well of course I will give my best smile and say "Yeah, I'm fine"
but actually inside my heart I was saying "Hell no, of course I'm not fine, moving on is hard, man"
I, myself is actually still confused with my own feeling.. A part of me keep telling myself, "Let go" while the other part keep saying "Hold on"
Crazy, yes?
Yes, I know I am.. ha.ha.ha
Then MAYBE I had a crush on one of my bestfriend.. wowowow.. yes, uncertain crush.. lol.. I think you guys know who is he.. kekeke
for a month I was suffering from an uncertainty.. He's super kind to me (and any other girls in the world), I was almost 'terlibat' deeper and deeper, I got jealous over stupid things and then I realized that this was wrong and we have to make thing back right to its track.. We can't stay in this misunderstanding forever.. wkwkwk..
So we decided to be pure friend, without any feelings.. (actually I'm the only one with feeling, he doesn't have any for me.. kekekeke).. quite sad, though.. :p

Next, let me tell you about some guys that I knew from WeChat app, told you guys, it's 'sesat'..
I'm going to deactivate that account soon..
There are 2 guys that I've met..
First, it's "B", looks : not bad, age : 2 years older, working : yes..
I've ever gone out with him once and then I 'lari 1000 langkah', why?
yes, because he has a voice like a girl.. Whenever he talks, I wanna laugh.. I know I shouldn't be that bad, but after that meeting, I never reply any of his BBM.. I always end chat before I even read it.. wkwkkwk.. Mianhae.. >.<

Next, it's "A"
He's my senior at Meth-3, quite famous, looks : okay, age : 1 year older, working : yes
butt..... i heard lots of rumors that he's a player.. yes, I have to admit that he really knows how to get a girl's heart... but lots of my friends know him and tell me to be aware of him...
don't worry, people.. Player is not my type.. haha..
If you wanna play, let's play.. lol..
He's kind, but I don't know whether it's just his motive or what.. haha..
I just can't trust his words.. I know I should run away as fast as possible, but well yeah, let's see.. He said that he's not a player anymore.. who knows?? haha..

Okay.. that's a lil' bit update of my life.. will update you guys again soon if I have new stories.. XD

Regards,

Jowi

life's a joke

hey you, people.. Long time no see.. merry christmas.. sorry if it's a lil' bit late..
forgive me for being so busy with myself..
I had the greatest christmas present so far, my dear..
I know you love me that much that you had to give me that present.. haha.. XD
well, okay.. we broke up..
Don't worry.. I'm not fine.. ha.ha.ha..
first week is really tough, man..
I still find myself crying to sleep and wake up crying..
no appetite, people.. seriously.. Even you're served with the most delicious food in the world, you won't feel hungry..
When I'm left alone, I would think of some crazy and random stuffs in my head..
Especially when the night comes, the emptiness and loneliness kills.. ha.ha.ha.
I know it would happen, but I just don't think it would be that fast.. haha..
Okay, truth be told, my heart is still doing the things that I shouldn't be doing..
yes, waiting.. haha..
no worry, I'm trying to let go, my dear.. but maybe not that fast.. still need some time..;)

Well, enough with the random post.. I'll come back when I'm feeling better.. :)

Regards,

Jowi